saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
