is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
