Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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