btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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