I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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