direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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