ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
