After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
