Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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