He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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