I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
