so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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