Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
