made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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