Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Randomize
