I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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