every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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