the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
