around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
