she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
