He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
