Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
