Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
