I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
where does the pee come out of this thing
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
