i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
