M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
