I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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