he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
