you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
