do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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