You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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