do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I showed him my bush... on skype.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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