If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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