I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
