i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
