please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
