My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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