i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
