i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Randomize
