I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Randomize