i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
