Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize