You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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