I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
