I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
