Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
