My sheets look like a crime scene.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
