It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
