Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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