I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
