you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
