Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
