I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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