can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize