If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
