Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
