i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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