AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
