I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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