just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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