I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
