Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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