please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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