I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
