wanna go halves on a baby?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
And then he peed in my hair
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