one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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