69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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