he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
